Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's rum buckets o'clock
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
