Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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