I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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