Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
