Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
