He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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