I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
