is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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