just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
