By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
