so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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