i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
