Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
