i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize