You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
