why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
