I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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