are you still at the devil's house?
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
