i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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