he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
