yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
