I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
