he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just pee around me
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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