Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
