I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize