I hate all girls vehemently.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
