i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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