So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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