I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So squirting runs in the family.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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