It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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