I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I AM VODKA MAN
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
