someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
