Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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