epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize