my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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