I've blown a few things in my day
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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