Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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