im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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