He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
