His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
