i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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