you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
