I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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