You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize