I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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