Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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