i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
