for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
