he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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