Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
