I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
How does one acquire holy water?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
