I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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