Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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