I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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