The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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