Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
