i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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