i barfeds in our rink
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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