I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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