bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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