Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
