Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
