If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You can't special order awesome
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize