Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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