A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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