you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize