There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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