I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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