Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
