he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
