What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
