Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
