She's JV to your varsity
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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