i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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