We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
