Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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