And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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