sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was born a porn star she said
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize