I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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