oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize