So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
