Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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