5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
