I just saw a hot homeless man
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
