Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
