I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
