the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize