someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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