my mouth tastes like poor choices
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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