I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
