I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
