Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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