smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
