I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
