as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
