I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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