Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
