Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
