i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize