I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
