halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
