If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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