And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
