Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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