woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
