just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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